"Never go on trips with anyone you do not love"

 There is a scene in Ernest Hemingway's novel A Farewell to Arms in which the main character, Fredrick, has a conversation with the priest while he is injured in the hospital. Fredrick tells the priest he does not "love much." To which the priest responds: 


"Yes," he said. "You do. What you tell me about in the nights. That is not love. That is only passion and lust. When you love you wish to do things for. You wish to sacrifice for. You wish to serve." 
"I don't know love." 
"You will. I know you will. Then you will be happy."
"I'm happy. I've always been happy."
"It is another thing. You cannot know about it unless you have it." 


Though this is not my favorite Hemingway book*, this scene certainly strikes a cord to any reader. Those who love know, those who do not, won't until they do. 


Another favorite quote of mine is in this novel (I promise this is not a literature lesson, so bear with me): "The world breaks every one and afterward many are strong at the broken places." 


I once told Joe I knew I wanted to marry him when my plans changed because of him. Whatever silly timeline I had come up with, whatever check list of life accomplishments I had before him, changed when he came into my life. 

Such an attractive couple

And plans have changed again. Next fall I will not return to teaching full time; I will travel with Joe and take care of our marriage full time. I have loved teaching in the way you love things that make you struggle, that break you and make you stronger, and I hope to one day come back to the classroom full time. But for now, my family (however small it is) has to come first. 


But God is good and were we are needed he will find a way to have us there. My boss came in my classroom two days after I wept in his office about how I couldn't teach next year and offered the creative writing class to me through an online course-- I didn't even hesitate to say yes! There will be a presiding teacher to basically administrate the class, but the syllabus, grading, teaching and instruction will be "mine." The Lord has lead me to this school and has a purpose for me here, one I am even more certain of now that we are able to make an arrangement that satisfies all of my roles. 




At Camp Mystic for Girls**  there is always a Sunday we talk about putting God first. It is visually demonstrated through a giant fish bowl, rice and some golf balls. When we put worldly things first, represented by rice, God's will doesn't always fit, shown by trying to fit golf balls in the already full fish bowl. But putting the Lord first, meaning the golf balls, the rice sifts through and the Lord provides. I guess I forgot this in all my crying over what to do about next year. 




                                 Put your golf balls in first and your rice will fit, too. 

One of my favorite camper photos ever       

Photo Ode to Mystic 


**I went to Camp Mystic since 1998, with a hiatus between 2005-2007, quickly to return to be a counselor. Aside from my parents, I don't think anything has been as impactful and formative as Mystic. The river, the Hill Country, the tradition and the people make you renew your spirit and your body like nothing else can. God's hand has made Mystic as a place for girls to find their faiths, walk in hope and grow in love. 

Camp Mystic Dance 2011; sister and Rita 

Asking campers to back up so I can do the worm
at a Mystic dance party 

A little HBR
That's horse back riding to those of you who have never
filled out a Mystic Activity Card 

Reading at Mystic on CC Day, aka best day ever.
Yeah, I am a freak, kind of. 

My Mystic friends and the directors, Dick and Tweety at my wedding.
You don't go somewhere for 12 summers and not get attached to some folks.

* Read Hemingway's short stories or A Moveable Feast or The Sun Also Rises.  A Moveable Feast is a collection of short memoirs about his time in Paris. Better yet, read it in Paris. You'll never be able to stop loving the city. The title of this post is a quote from A Moveable Feast, and I couldn't agree more. 

UPDATE: Since this post went public Joe was called up to the big leagues again! Another player is injured, so there is no telling how long he will be there; however, it is nice to know that he is the next guy in line when something like this does happen! 

Polly Will Be Signing Autographs Later

Maybe it was the massive American flag. Maybe it was the Air Force flyover during the National Anthem. Maybe it was the Phillies Phanatic dancing to "Proud Marry." Or maybe it was just getting to see Joe smile on the big screen at Citizens Bank Park, but I was completely swept away by the romanticism of baseball on April 9, 2012.

Don't worry, I won't wear
it to a live game. 

And why shouldn't I be--my husband made the Opening Day roster for arguably one of the best teams in baseball history.


Tuesday night I was dressed to work out, but never made it. ESPN ScoreCenter app* kept updating me on the many pitching changes of the last pre-season game and Joe's name was continually not called. I folded laundry and bit my nails to ragged nubs and Polly wondered why I kept moving the clothes she was trying to sleep on.

iPhone photo of field because I can't find the cord
that connects legit camera
to laptop 

"It's been a long day," he said when I answered. I nodded and exhaled ready to get past the small talk.
"It has. How are you?"
"Good. I am good. Do you want to meet me in Pittsburgh tomorrow?"
I started crying hysterically and told him how proud I was of him. After numerous mass texts and phone calls, my parents and his brother "Potty" came over for a glass of champagne while I packed--


for 30 degree weather!


I bundled up in my best version of cold weather spring style (cream coat, tomato colored dress, black tights, black booties) and met my parents and sister Yulie in Pittsburgh. Even though the real show was a few days later when we were the home team, it was pretty amazing to see him run out and knuck with Charlie Manuel. The staff was very nice, kindly leading us to the traveling family room and brushing the dust off our stadium seats (this was a little excessive, but sweet nonetheless).

After Pamela's incredible pancakes

No trip is complete without some eating so I will give a quick run down of the best places we went. Primanti Bros prides themselves on a sandwich made with your choice of meat, topped  stuffed with cheese, cole slaw and french fries. If you have ever seen the videos of a snake eating a gazelle, than you have seen what one has to do to eat these sandwiches.** Totally worth the TMJ though. Pamela's was the breakfast place of choice, Michelle Obama's favorite as well. I ordered chocolate chip pancakes with bananas, also known as all of my favorite things. The pancakes are very thin, like a crepe and the cheesy scrambled eggs were made with Velveeta. I don't remember what anyone else got because mine was so good I didn't look up or breath for my whole meal.

Primanti Brothers 

One of my wife friends, Brooke, suggested I change my flight so I would leave out of Philadelphia. I told her this presented the dilemma of not having a car to get to Philly from Pittsburgh.
"Just fly on the team plane."

Uhm, yes.


I will be a huge bratface princess and say that flying privately is freaking awesome. Hospitable friends of my father have let me go to on their planes, but this plane was Delta without security, lines, other passengers or waiting. I cannot say that it was not sans motion sickness (me) or flight anxiety (Joe), but it was really great and the team is very lucky to be able to travel that way. And I am lucky I got to mooch.

Highlight of the flight? Joe is basically a fraternity pledge and has to carry different players stuff, so I tried to be as invisible as possible while he did his rookie stuff. A former Astro  was walking down the aisle of the plane and stopped to introduce himself, something that was very uncalled for and very polite. I jumped up, and I mean jumped up, and smacked my head on the low ceiling over the seats.


I only hope he forgot my name and has doesn't associate Joe with the head trauma patient.


Philadelphia was incredible. I choked up several times thinking about how happy I was for Joe. I thought about a particularly rough time last season when I visited him in A ball. He was hitting then and not getting enough playing time to even show what he could do. The stress of no playing time only made his at bats less than ideal, perpetuating the cycle.
"I don't even know what I am doing here. I don't like being treated like a little boy. Tell me I suck, tell me I need to retire. Hell, release me," he vented that morning. My heart broke for him. I prayed to God that I would sacrifice anything, anything at all, if he could feel like he had a purpose again. Because even that early on, I knew Joe was ultimately where I felt my greatest purpose and that is what happens when you love someone in a real way-- you fight for their happiness more than your own.


So when Joe smiled walking down the "red carpet," high fiving fans that lined the field and a boys' choir sang some song about Philadelphia-- I was singing songs of praise that what I had asked for in Florida less than a year ago had been answered.


Joe played in that game. Allowing one run, but holding his composure as he always does.


Tonight Joe was moved to AAA and had to take the longest route possible to Buffalo, NY to meet up with the team (Philadelphia to Detroit to Buffalo--what?). This is not to say that Joe won't go back up with the big boys, nor is it to say that he will. We don't know what the rest of the season holds.




But Joe has played in  Major League games, he has played in a Major League Opening Series game and God has used him to make an inspirational story that can make even a cynic smile.

Worn out from all of her publicity 

*I only have this to know Phillies game stuff during baseball season. I get alerts but don't get a lot of them. What I do understand is "FINAL" means the game is done.
** I looked at some pictures to put with this snake-eating-gazelle comment and decided that they were really too gross to post on here. Save yourself your breakfast and don't Google Image it either, I sure regret it. 

The Post with No Pictures

Opening Day is Thursday and as of this post, we don't know where Joe will be this year. More than likely, the big bosses have already made up their minds so it is just a matter of time before we know. I will be seeing Joe this weekend, be it in Pittsburgh (Majors) or Providence (Minors) I am holding my breath to find out. Today at church the sermon was about anxiety, and no better message could have been made for me today. Worry, said Ben Young our pastor, is looking in the future with the worst case scenario in mind, it is looking into a future without God.  And I know that whatever happens with and for Joe, God will be there no matter the outcome. I only wish I was there to be supportive. Giving major (pun intended) news via text or even phone call is not quite the same as in person. 


On Saturday we celebrated one of Joe's best friend's, Adam Z, birthday. Everyone brought their dogs and we all, canine and humans alike, enjoyed the sunny weather and new homeowner Derek's pool. Adam Z sacrificed birthday boy lounging and boiled big, fat crawfish. Crawfish, like many shellfish, are cooked alive so we had a giant cooler of pinchy little guys. Lize and Bryce and I became nine years old and poked them till they got in fighting stance-- claws up and out. What is it about things being small and aggressive is always funny? Lize's dog Duke got in a small tussle with one and I am sad to report the crawfish (kind of) won by a massive pinch to the snout. Duke flung it in the air and homeowner Derek got rid of it so we wouldn't have another incident. Polly would not have bounced back as fast as Duke had she been the curious dog of the day. Poor thing did come home with blisters on her paws from running all day. She hardly even made it to her bed before conking out when we got home. 
(I am a terrible photographer and rely on Bryce to document such things as this--- and the pictures aren't on Facebook yet for me to steal and claim as my own artistry)




All of this excitement also put me to bed early and all to aware that Joe was not there. I guess it is like never feeling as lonely as you do in a crowd when you're all alone (yeah, Wade Bowen lyric*), it is never more obvious that Joe is gone than when I am somewhere he should be. His good buddy Brian "Viernes", too, was notably missed and something feels off with the group's absences. When people ask, "How is married life?" I say, "Kind of like being single." But a really pathetic kind of single-- not the fun girl who says things like, "I don't have time for a relationship" or "I am just not into boyfriend/girlfriend labels." Not that I want to be this girl, I just want to be with my husband more. 


My creative writing class has reminded me why I have wanted to teach it and why I love to write. I submitted my story this week for my workshop in two weeks. I went with a piece I wanted to revisit from my thesis. It is easily one of my most controversial pieces and I fully expect for at least 6 people to hate it after the first paragraph... but hate isn't a bad thing, it is an emotional reaction and I want my readers to feel something. It makes me think more and more about writing a collection one day, or even a memoir about all the baseball stuff from my perspective. My friends from college liked this idea when I mentioned it in the summer, so long as I include them in the story and then write one about college. The latter might have to come much later and let the statute of limitations come into play for some incriminating tales.... mostly just so things that need time to be funny can do so. 
(If I put pictures with this paragraph I would either be a major creep in creative writing class or a very hated member of my college friend group)


But a baseball story, told from the stands with a hot dog in fluted paper balancing on my knee, might happen. I guess that will be something I worry (or not worry, thanks Ben)about later. For now, I will just not-worry about how what to bring on my trip to either Providence or Pittsburgh. Charlie Manuel**, give me a call if you can and let me know what you think I should pack. 


*Wade Bowen, Texas Country singer/songwriter. One of my favorites. 
**Charlie Manuel, Phillies manager.


Since I didn't have any cool pictures dealing with content, here is one just because.  This is what I wake up to if Polly stays in the bed with me: 

She has absolutely no sense of personal space. 

What to Pack When You're Packing

My cousins have commented more on my tidbits about clothes than any of the weighty topics of my posts, so I am going to be indulgent and vain. I am going to unveil what I pack and why and maybe a few outfit tips and tricks. I am in no way an expert or even a valid opinion of fashion, so totally disregard me if you are already bored (exit all male readers, most likely).

Blazers
I wore a blazer every formal dress day in high school and complained like the rest of my uniform-clad peers, but I actually loved it. For one, I am always cold. I don’t travel without a jacket because I am certain that my natural body temperature is 4 degrees lower than that of the average human. Back to the point, when blazers became stylish again I totally attributed their popularity to my wearing them beyond prep school and into my college years.  Then the blazer boom hit and there were colors beyond belief. I am not going to go through all the colors and fabrics I have, but they all come in handy. Be it at work or over a top and jeans or a dress blazers look crisp and sophisticated year round. I love a good cardigan, but there is something a little more grown up about a blazer--plus I don’t want to fall too heavily into the teacher/cardigan look. I get that enough with my stretchy cord key ring. Wear a blazer on the plane, stick your boarding pass in the pocket, drap it over the top of your suitcase when you get hot. Pack another one in your bag of a different color or color scheme to mix it up. I am wearing an ivory colored blazer as I write this.  

Chunky necklace and white blazer

Maxi Skirts

Let me say this first, I am not very “hippie” in my style. So I avoided the maxi trend until they started popping up in gossamer looking chiffons with knife pleats.... and then Carrie Bradshaw* wore a bunch in Sex and the City 2 and I was sold. Same idea as the blazer, I am always cold so maximum coverage is optimal and they look awesome, especially with a button-down dolman sleeve top and big belt (thank you Olivia Palermo* for the idea). You can sit “criss-cross-apple-sauce” as my students say, which rocks. They are a great alternative to jeans in warmer weather and just break us from the jean rut we so easily fall into. That being said, always bring a pair of jeans when you travel (my favorite ones, $30 dark denim skinny jeans from Delia’s-- yeah, I have an eclectic closet). But the maxi skirt or dress (Splendid’s long sleeve maxi dress is like a giant nightgown made of really old, comfy tee shirts) is an awesome travel buddy. 

Maxi skirt/button blouse combo

Comfy dress

DVF Linnia Dress in cherry

Don’t get the maxi dress mentioned earlier with the “comfy dress.” The comfy dress is one able to be worn with sandals, flats, boots (in cooler weather), wedges or heels. It permeates casual cute-ness and dressy dinner with the change of a shoe. I have a pink one from Target that my friend Rachel loves to wear and actually might have stolen from me. I have a black/nude patterny one (patterny= patterned but subtly colored enough it acts as a neutral)  from Nordstrom ‘s junior department and a brighter colored one as well. Get one preferably that doesn’t need to be dry cleaned as that gets expensive and really annoying on vacation. Tide to go that puppy or steam it and you are ready to wear it again! 

Button-down Blouses
They are awesome, comfortable and chic. Get one in a thin enough fabric that you can wear it even in warmer weather and layer with a tank if it is cold.These can be found anywhere right now: Old Navy, Saks, Target, Zara***** and they make you look very put together. Make sure to be mindful of how starchy one might be when wearing with blazer on a trip as to not look too businessy, unless you are on a business trip, of course. Blouses are easy to pack so feel free to bring a bunch in all colors, patterns and fabrics. Denim is really in right now, so dig on back to 1994 and pull that shirt from the back of your closet.

Shorts, Skirts, Leggings
I like to have a pair of shorts on summer trips; usually white or denim, but a fun pattern/color if there is room. And a skirt, usually bright because it is easy to get stuck only bringing neutrals on a trip “because they go with everything,” make a bright color a neutral. Leggings are also a great idea, especially ones that can double for a work out and under a big button-down shirt (and I mean it covers your booty big). Make sure they aren’t too gym-looking, like the kind that are heathered or have racing stripes down the side or the 2-for1 piece doesn’t work as well. And be careful with denim shorts on that note, unless the Daisy Duke look is your thing. Pieces are great because you can mix them up a lot. 

I like dark denim, but lighter is a little more hip.

(Lots of) Jewelry

The easiest way to mix up an outfit is change the accessories. Jewelry is a fun, small thing to bring that can make a massive outfit change. I like to have: gold hoops, small white gold diamond huggies, pearl studs, canary quartz colored studs, big turquoise tear drop earrings, a few cocktail rings, long gold chain, colorful chunky necklace, silver and gold watch, gold bangles, another chunky necklace if you can fit it and my small gold cross and wedding ring and bands.  That comfy dress I mentioned? Totally different with gold hoops and my teeny cross, a watch and ballet flats than it is with a big ole’ chunky necklace and heels or the turquoise drop earrings and wedges. Bingo! Three different outfits. I have a great case by Jon Hart to organize and protect my stuff, but there are less expensive (and more expensive) jewelry pouches out there. And always, always, always take your jewelry in your carry on. That and a teeny bag of make up, your medicine, a tiny toothbrush and a ziplock to put liquids in.

Purse(s)
I take a massive carry on because I am a travel hoarder and have lost my luggage a lot. I rarely check my luggage, if I can help it. That being said, you do not always need a 14inX14in bag everywhere you go once you arrive at your destination. Purses are relatively flat and you can always pack it and then pack stuff like underpinnings, socks, tee shirts, PJs in it. Purses, like jewelry, help change an outfit and are a fun way to change things up. I have a neon  cross-body satchel coming in the mail I am so excited to use for summer as well as a grey top handle Tory Burch and pink quilted Kate Spade bag with a chain handle. Like I said, they pack flat and can create organization in a suitcase, too. 

My "elephant" colored purse. Yes, I might have chosen the
color because it was called "elephant."

Belts

Belts give a lovely, put together looking touch to almost any outfit. Cinch in the waist of a dress or shirt, make a bathing suit cover-up an outfit by belting it. Basically belts bring out the feminine figure the way we want and can pull an outfit together, literally and figuratively. I like my leopard print one, dark brown basic one, black chunky high waisted one and a silver skinny one. Belts are easy to pack, don’t hold back here. 

Excellent use of leopard belt

Shoes

My most beloved, most cherished, most important piece to an outfit. I pack too many shoes by Joe’s standards and too few shoes by my mother’s. I like to have the following:
      Flats: most often worn on a flight because I don’t like my toes out on airplanes. If I do wear sandals, I bring socks in my purse. Easy to pack, some can even fit in my purse themselves, so Audrey Hepburn.******* Black, nude, metallic, leopard print, neon-- ballet flats are awesome. J.Crew and Tory Burch are great about having a jillion different colors, and if you feel like maxing out your credit card and smiling at your feet while your husband yells at you, Chanel invented the ballet flat.  

      Nude wedges/heels: summer means espadrille wedges, but if there is a chance or plan to go to a nice dinner to to da club (or bar, whatever) or church, a heel is a good choice. Nude makes your gams look miles long and goes with everything. I also love bright colored shoes and will bring a fun bright color if I can, but if pressed for space, the nude wins. I put them in bags (they usually come with), put tissue in them or same stuff as purses, and pack them at the bottom since they are heavier than clothes. It sounds really Beyonce glam of me, but I rarely travel without heels as something may arise that calls for a fancier outfit. Dresses, jeans and nowadays, even shorts go way up on the outfit scale with some heels. 

Less expensive versions available with almost
any shoe designer/company

Sandals/Boots: for summer/spring and fall/winter respectively. Though sandals like rubber flip flops may be necessary in a place with an iffy bathroom. I try to wear my boots on the plane if I am bringing them as they are heaviest and take up the most space. If they must be packed, same rule as purses and heels-- stuff them with other items. Tory Burch Miller sandals are a favorite of mine, silver gladiator ones from Forever 21 are also a good touch (take note: metallics make awesome accessory neutrals).

Tory Burch Miller Sandals in gold, love.

Sunglasses: I take an aviator style and a big plastic style. Aviator ones fit better under hats but I like the Audrey Hepburn/Jackie Kennedy feel of the big plastic black ones my sister gave me.

Non-clothes:
Travel steamer: ours is from Berings, about the size of a water bottle. My friend Michael turned me onto this and it rocks for very obvious reasons.
Plastic zip lock bags, big and small: for whatever you use bags for, which is anything and everything
Tide to Go
Phone charger

Also: Jeans (as mentioned), tank tops (one light, one dark), extra undergarments, colorful scarf that covers stains or acts as a blanket on the plane, extra shirt(s) you can wear with any of the bottoms you packed, socks, and a coat if it is winter. Wear the coat on the plane as to save room in your suitcase.  Leather jackets are great too because they don’t wrinkle and look very cool with jeans or a dress. I also recommend the classic khaki trench in questionable fall or spring weather. You get to look like Ingrid Bergman* and bundle up if the temperature or rain drops.

This is a cloche hat, mentioned above.
Very F. Scott Fitzgerald and awesome.

Extras: Bright heels or wedges or leopard print ones, more jewelry, colored jeans (all over the place as of late and I am obsessed), cocktaily dress, bathing suit and color-up (but one of those dresses or shirt/dress or just shirt combo can work great) striped sweater, hat(s)-- straw fedora or cloche for the summer, wool fedora or cloche for the winter.

My orange shoes, previously posted from afar on "The Flying Corgi"

Pack liquids in a checked back in a big Ziploc as to avoid an explosion on your carefully chosen blazers, dresses and denim shorts. Hang things that need to be steamed upon arrival if possible. If the steamer is unavailable or ridiculous to you, hang items in the bathroom so the steam from the shower can soften wrinkles. Pack in outfits. Clearly this is what I do, but it makes getting ready on vacation much quicker. Hanging clothes up after you have worn them will also extend their wearability on your trip.


Wishlist
Because a girl always has her wants in mind, here are a few that my suitcase would adore to carry...




I don't own a white/cream/ivory bag. This one  has modern detailing, like the stitches, with a nod to the classic with its shape and chain strap.

Tory Burch Marion Saddle Bag. I love that it is called a saddle bag
and has the saddle stitching 

Kate Spade Orchestra Hall Necklace, Norstrom
Neutral colored chunky necklace. Would be fun with anything, really.

I love the texture of these shoes and the color is a great shade. Polly destroyed my J.Crew nude flats, which are also lovely... or they were lovely, at least.  The hat below is so feminine and nostalgic. I love the twenties and the clothes from it. Chanel started many of the trends that we see so often today and don't even realize. This hat is a perfect example of how Coco herself was tired of pinning giant, feathered hats on her head and designed the much smaller, more wearable cloche hat.

Tory Burch Prescott flats

  

Cloche hat from bluewomensclothing.com

Dreaming big....
YSL Muse 
I love this bag. It comes in every color, I personally like the chocolate brown (pictured below) or black because this is a classic you won't be trending out anytime soon. Shove an extra pair of shoes (like Prescott flats!) or an iPad or make up bag in there and hit the road, Jack. It is amazing. I shan't muse on about it much longer (pun intended), as it is far, far from a reality in my closet. Enjoy drooling as I do. 

YSL Muse

* Carrie Bradshaw, protagonist and narrator of Sex and the City and a soulmate to myself in terms of her shoes, her writerly insight and her brave fashion choices.
*Olivia Palermo's entrance in to my world started with The City, but I am not sure where she actually got her start. She seems like a total bratface